Pleasures of Knowing Myself !

It’s been a while and I’ve been thinking of  breaking out of my invisible cocoon. But laziness seeps over me like a cloud that shrouds me from all creativity. There’s an unseen force that keeps me glued to bed allowing me only to change positions from lying to sitting to something in between the two.

Something saps my energy as soon as I get home from work. I have bouts of guilt later for not being able to do as much as I anticipate of. Being a morning person, my greatest surge of energy comes during the early hours of the day.

Right after I wake up, I get a lot accomplished. Cleaning, clearing, preparing breakfast and lunch and then work. Teaching.

Running from one class to another after 35 minutes. Keeping students engaged and interested. Making sure they remain disciplined and maintain decorum. Planning ahead. Improvising the day as it goes. Giving my 100% in the class

And then comes the weird bit. The bit I enjoy. Marking copies. I like sitting at my desk and marking journals and tests. 

Something my colleagues don’t understand. I have piles and piles of notebooks that I can mark effortlessly. I think because it gives me the space to work without any human interaction. I don’t need to communicate or explain while I’m marking all that work. It gives me a much needed breather during the day.

Over the years I’ve seen teachers squirm at the thought of having to mark written work as it consumes the time they could’ve spent unwinding and socializing with colleagues before they can embark on another hour or two teaching.  But not me. I never understood why until recently when I learned the fact that I am an INFJ (through an online Myers-Biggs test).

I do not want to know or debate the authenticity of this test because it opened a whole new world to me. It explained so many things about me that I couldn’t. It got me connected to other people who found it difficult to socialize without knowing why. I now know that even though I love teaching but all that human interaction keeps sucking my energy. I also know that having the ability to absorb other people’s energy is a super power that’s a curse as well as a blessing given that I’m surrounded by teenagers for most part of my day. I can finally explain to people that I have limited energy reserves that need to be channeled carefully.

I really don’t know whether it’s something that comes with age or is it the discovery that I am an INFJ, but so much has started making sense about what I previously thought was mental deviation from the normal.

So many dots have finally connected. I’m just glad I can now explain my shortcomings to myself. I never really have the energy to explain this to others anyways.

To all the INFJs out there , those who have discovered their identity , and those who haven’t , MORE POWER TO YOU !