Friday, March 23, 2018

Pleasures of Knowing Myself !

It’s been a while and I’ve been thinking of  breaking out of my invisible cocoon. But laziness seeps over me like a cloud that shrouds me from all creativity. There’s an unseen force that keeps me glued to bed allowing me only to change positions from lying to sitting to something in between the two.
Something saps my energy as soon as I get home from work. I have bouts of guilt later for not being able to do as much as I anticipate of. Being a morning person, my greatest surge of energy comes during the early hours of the day.
Barley Field Sunrise Morning Solar Cloud L

Right after I wake up, I get a lot accomplished. Cleaning, clearing, preparing breakfast and lunch and then work. Teaching.
Running from one class to another after 35 minutes. Keeping students engaged and interested. Making sure they remain disciplined and maintain decorum. Planning ahead. Improvising the day as it goes. Giving my 100% in the class

And then comes the weird bit. The bit I enjoy. Marking copies. I like sitting at my desk and marking journals and tests. 

Something my colleagues don’t understand. I have piles and piles of notebooks that I can mark effortlessly. I think because it gives me the space to work without any human interaction. I don’t need to communicate or explain while I’m marking all that work. It gives me a much needed breather during the day.

Over the years I’ve seen teachers squirm at the thought of having to mark written work as it consumes the time they could’ve spent unwinding and socializing with colleagues before they can embark on another hour or two teaching.  But not me. I never understood why until recently when I learned the fact that I am an INFJ (through an online Myers-Biggs test).
I do not want to know or debate the authenticity of this test because it opened a whole new world to me. It explained so many things about me that I couldn’t. It got me connected to other people who found it difficult to socialize without knowing why. I now know that even though I love teaching but all that human interaction keeps sucking my energy. I also know that having the ability to absorb other people’s energy is a super power that’s a curse as well as a blessing given that I’m surrounded by teenagers for most part of my day. I can finally explain to people that I have limited energy reserves that need to be channeled carefully.

Silhouette, Women, Swing, Freedom
I really don’t know whether it’s something that comes with age or is it the discovery that I am an INFJ, but so much has started making sense about what I previously thought was mental deviation from the normal.

So many dots have finally connected. I’m just glad I can now explain my shortcomings to myself. I never really have the energy to explain this to others anyways.

To all the INFJs out there , those who have discovered their identity , and those who haven’t , MORE POWER TO YOU !

Friday, March 11, 2016

Embarassed but not ashamed

I wish I had the consistency of a writer and that I didn't wait for another three years before I wrote another blog.

I remember 3 years ago in a fit of excitement,laced with commitment I wrote my first blog.and then another one.and then another one.and then probably two more and the excitement fizzed off.

Being an introvert can take its toll .Yes, On this forum, without any hesitation I can boldly declare that I am an introvert with a mild inclination towards Agoraphobia.I am not scared to declare my weakness to people who don't know me personally.

So why is being an introvert a hindrance in writing a blog? Well, we don't want to give away too much.and writing a blog can mean exactly that.The process of writing may come as catharsis, but to me and others like me even a regular catharsis can be damaging.

I am a 33 year old who is still lost.I still don't know my strengths or at least not the proper application of my strengths.I still look around for adult-er adults.I have a stream of moments that roll in my head like the credits at the end of a movie that embarrass me enough to arouse the will to kill myself.I have no skills that I can flaunt.No achievements that make me proud.

Being sooo average I am EMBARRASSED........... BUT NOT ASHAMED !

I have well wishers who try to infuse sense into me by telling me its okay to be average and make things worse by citing examples from their lives.I doesn't help,it just doesn't!

Considering the average life expectancy on an average to be between late 60s and mid 70s , I haven't achieved much in life .Many of the achievements that people of my age and socio-economic background flaunt just fuel my embarrassment.

Being a mother,a teacher ,a wife ,a  homemaker, these are things that come with life.If you don"t do even that ,what do you do? I believe an achievement should be something that makes you stand above the crowd.It shouldn't be a responsibility,it should be something that we do on our own accord to contribute to the family or society .

I am not ashamed because I have a built-in hindrance (my introversion + agoraphobia ) that stops me, but i am embarrassed because I haven't worked hard enough to overcome this impediment.I need to motivate my self enough to cross the threshold ,a very high one, that restrains me from breaking free of my fears and going out into the world with the potential trapped within me.

I know I'm not alone,There are more like me.

We are all born with a certain amount of innate potential.Some of us are lucky enough to tap into it and exploit it to their benefit.Others like me waste half their lives and then realize what a waste we have been.

Well,no more !!!

Im changing parties and going to the bright side.

So introverts,agoraphobes, .......Is that a possibilty? Do you think I can achieve something after wasting half of my life being a nobody?

I have my hopes high.

Signing off till the next time I get hit by enthusiasm :)

Monday, July 29, 2013

Being Invisible in Class

As a Teacher my job ranges from teaching to organizing to inspiring to motivating to counseling to much much more.

I have to cater to the emotional,educational and social needs of 30 brains and beings in a 40 min time slot.
Every year i am handed over nearly 120 new souls to educate and improve.It takes me nearly a week and a half to get to know most of  them.Once i know them I remember them.
Well, most of them.

The invisible ones,they are the ones I find difficult to remember.
It takes longer to get to know them and it is harder to remember them.

They are the ones that tend to shy away for a number of reasons like
  • being introverts
  • having low self esteem
  • being sensitive to being ridiculed by peers
  • having language issues
  • not doing their lessons properly
But sometimes the reasons are so insignificant, we fail to realize that they might hold a child back from expressing his/her potential fully.Little things at home that keep a child occupied at school.The way parents interact with each other.The way they are their siblings treat with them.I believe sleeping patterns and favorite TV shows have a great influence on how a child behaves at School as well.

Many of these factors may not be proven scientifically to make a child shy but I personally have observed and experienced all these factors are involved in keeping a child from interacting much with peers and teachers.

If you are parent ,Talk to your child's teacher.
Being shy may be a painful personality trait passed on genetically, but sometimes just simple tweaks to lifestyles might be able to help a child interact better with peers and teachers and perform better at school.

I would love to know your opinion on what other factors make a child shy at school and how a teacher may help.

Fuel your Passion,Grow as a Person  

Sunday, July 28, 2013

A little piece of the outside world

After staying in for too long,I had started missing the outside world.I also got sick of how many screens surrounded my family.Introvert I may be, but I was longing for human contact (from a safe distance of course !)

So I logged in on my faithful 'Rusty' and checked for any activity where I could be surrounded by human warmth from a distance.It turned out there was an exhibition of various household and food items (Just in time for grocery ! )

We set out at late afternoon to the exhibition at the fair grounds.The entrance wasn't as crowded as I had expected,maybe because it was the fourth and second last day of the exhibit or maybe because we had got there as soon as the hall opened .

What ever the reason, this gave us an opportunity to check things out conveniently.There were stalls from a number of local and international companies but what really caught my eyes were the stall with all the traditional stuff.

Handmade Clay Plates,Pitchers,Glasses,Vases ,Casseroles

Traditional Moroccan Pottery

Traditional Vibrant Dresses

And Matching Footwear to go with them !

Mounds of Condiments and Spices

Traditional Lanterns

Although most of the stuff was overpriced and we didn't buy anything but it turned out be a worthwhile visit. The colors, tradition, spirituality, everything was so overwhelming in a warm way.

So my craving for human contact was quenched along with a bonus treat for the eyes !

Now i can happily have 'Rusty' roast my thighs while i conveniently 'slouch on the couch' and daydream about all the crafty projects i have in the pipeline  :)

Fuel your Passion,Grow as a Person  

Friday, July 26, 2013

Cooling down a bit !

The sweltering heat is taking its toll on my household.
Rising tempers.Lazy kids.Constantly running ACs. 

So we thought of going back to the basics and making some good old ice lollies. Bought a new mould and lots of juices. 

My daughter wants to make tri-color lolly. She's expecting some fancy commercial-ish results. Yikes !!!

My six year old anticipates the results to be bright n cheery. Me - not so much! I just want something cool and citrus. 

This is how they turned out. 

Any good ideas on how to make bright colored lollies???

Fuel your passion,Grow as a person

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Now I know why I Dally !

I complained in my previous post how I have been collecting lists of all the different activities I would like to do this summer, but haven't done anything yet.After posting I was a little flustered about how I had written a whole post about me not doing anything worthwhile and not trying to get to the root of my lethargy  laziness.

Last year I got my thyroid function tested because I had constantly been under the blues and never felt like getting out of bed,except  the times when I really,really had to do something like going to work or cooking food. I managed to find ways to escape these essential chores some way or the other.

But last night I was trying to gather why it was so.Then I realized i just needed to look around my room for the answer.



4 different types of smart phones
3 different laptops
A tablet

I just have way too much entertainment,information,comfort around me that keeps me pinned to my couch.
The only motivation I have are the motivational pins I see on pinterest.

I really need to do something about this.And it's not just me,it has got my family as well.

I would really love to hear your experience with the latest surge of smart phones and how to keep things under control.

Fuel your Passion,Grow as a Person  

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

All my favourite lists

This summer I had planned to stay back home and not travel.So obviously I had a lot of plans of

  1. creating
  2. repairing
  3. improving and 
  4. sorting stuff at home that had been lying in need of these procedures for a long time.

And just as we all do,I had plans of making these vacations the most productive ones ever.But turns out after exactly half of my vacations vaporized into thin, air i'm still on square one.
I had prepared for all my activities very well though ! I had scrupulously copied and prepared lists of things i had to do with and for my daughter.Although I can safely say all is not lost yet, ( I have another 4 weeks before the vacations end :(  ) but a little motivation can go a long way.I really need a push

So here's a list of all the lists (of activities) I had planned but still haven't gathered the enthusiasm to start :

  1. List of  indoor games when it gets too hot outside
  2. List of mod podge crafts
  3. List of paper crafts
  4. List of homemade clay crafts
  5. List of  things to draw daily for a month
  6. List of things to capture with a camera daily for a moth\
  7. List of things to sew
  8. List of things to crochet
  9. List of make up that can be made at home
  10. List of books to read with your kids 
  11. List of snacks to teach your 6 year old to make
  12. List of things to write about
  13. List of places to visit
  14. List of people to get in touch with ( Family and friends )
  15. List of topics to blog about
  16. List of stuff to prepare for Back to school activities
and of course

   17.List of exercises to get hard rock abs

I might have touched a few things here and there , but still not the hardcore way i had planned.
So now after I make this list public,I am assuming I will feel the compulsion and urge to at least pick and perform at the least one activity from each list.

Hope the couch will set me free !

Wish me luck people :)

Fuel your Passion,Grow as a Person